Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Foolish doubts

My nine year old son, angry with me for not acquiescing to his demands, flung the following accusation, "You just want to be mean to me! You don't love me!" Yes, it made me angry. And oh yes, did I let him have it.

For him to accuse me of not loving him, when I have spent the full nine years of his life, every single day of his life, making sure he was fed and clothed, not to mention the whole giving birth deal and changing diapers and reading books and pushing him in the swing, doing his laundry and fixing his lunch and signing his school papers, teaching him, praying for him, loving him with every inch of my being, so much so I would lay down my life for him...how dare he? How can he choose this one issue, this one demand, on which to hinge his perception of my love for him? How can he? How dare he? Look at all I've done...and do...and he has the audacity to claim I don't love him?

He was angry and upset, I know that. I also know his angry and upset response is often mine as well. I take one issue, one circumstance, one expectation and say to God, "Okay, if You don't _________, then You are mean and You don't love me!" Maybe not in so many words, but the sentiment is much the same.

How often I choose to define His love for me by what He does...or doesn't do...for me. If He meets my expectations and jumps through my hoops, then I am secure in His love for me. If He doesn't, then often I am just like my son, accusatory and petulant, shaking my fist and stomping my foot, and in my angry frustration convinced God doesn't love me.

Upon detached observation, it seems ludicrous, does it not? Look at all He's done for me. How dare I doubt? But I confess sometimes I do. I confess sometimes I see my circumstance, my expectation, or my demand of God as looming bigger than God Himself. I want THIS. I need THIS. I must have THIS. And, God, if You love me, You would...

Foolish heart, do you not know that nothing will separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus? You desire unfailing love, but it is not the meeting of that expectation that demonstrates God's love for you. It is this: while you were yet a sinner Christ died for you. Behold the cross and see the measure of God's love! How can you doubt? Quit looking at what you want God to do for you, and consider what He has done...
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.
Eph. 1:3-8

8 comments:

  1. Lisa,
    This was excellent and is so timely for me. I just finished a bible study titled: "Steadfast Love". The more we look at the cross, it seems silly that we would ever doubt His love, but we do.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My "issue" is not that I doubt His grand love for me, but that I do not feel worthy of that love, and fall short so often that I don't deserve all He has to offer me. The "unworthy, insecure, false guilt syndrome." So in my mind if I am not deserving, then I can't receive fully from Him, because I'm not accepting. NOT the theology of the cross, which reminds me that through Christ's sacrifice I can FULLY receive....... Thanks for the thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lisa, thank you for these words. I needed to read this today.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amen!

    Dear Santa, oops, I mean God!

    He has blessed us and lavished us, oh to live a life that reflects gratitude instead of selfishness.

    Thank you for the reminder!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I doubt that He could and would love me,too..not for not getting my way, but for just the simple ways of my heart...I know myself too well and doubt His love.

    These verses were encouraging.

    Kim

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love the way you use everyday life to illustrate God's truths. I stumbled upon your blog a couple of days ago and am reading from the beginning. God bless you for being open and sharing what you know.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I doubt that He could and would love me,too..not for not getting my way, but for just the simple ways of my heart...I know myself too well and doubt His love.

    These verses were encouraging.

    Kim

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lisa,
    This was excellent and is so timely for me. I just finished a bible study titled: "Steadfast Love". The more we look at the cross, it seems silly that we would ever doubt His love, but we do.

    ReplyDelete