Thursday, September 27, 2007

When we're down

I am sick. Not physically sick, but heart-sick.

I am also disappointed and frustrated and angry. I want to call someone and tell them exactly how I feel. Vent a little. Okay, maybe a lot. It would not be pretty.

But I won't. You know I won't.

I want to run away. I want to hide. I want to quit.

But I won't.

Maybe I won't.

I've shared with y'all how desperately I long to see God's glory in my church. I've told you of the transition we are now in with our pastor gone. In such cases a transition phase is to be expected, however I was surprised and perhaps a little shocked by the difficulties that followed in the wake of his departure.

But I had no idea of the difficulties that would follow. In my Bible, next to Psalm 18:18 which reads, "[my foes] confronted me in the day of my disaster," I have scribbled, "The enemy WILL hit us when we're down." Oh yes, he does. He will. He is.

I am weary. I am heartbroken. I am angry. I want to run away. I want to quit. I want to pack up my Bible and head to a church where I can sit on the back row in apathy and anonymity. Passion, conviction, hope, battle, all have left me worn out and empty, with more doubt than faith.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget [us] forever?
How long will you hide your face from [us]?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.
Ps. 13:1-2, 5-6

I will sing? Yes, I will sing. Our God is faithful and will do what He has promised to do. Yes, our foe will confront us in the day of our disaster; yes, he will hit us when we're down. He is powerful, but the Lord is our support. We may feel as if we are stuck and sinking in quicksand but He will reach down from on high, draw us out, and bring us to a spacious place. (Ps. 18:16-19) We wait on Him. We trust in His unfailing love. He has been good to us and He will be again.

Yes, He will. Even when hope dims and faith falters. Perhaps especially then, when we must depend on Him because we have little else. Even then He will be good to those who wait.

So we wait. We hope. We trust. We believe. Overcome my unbelief!

16 comments:

  1. Oh, dear. I know this heartsick feeling. Truly I do. I'll continue to pray for you as you seek Him in the midst of it all.

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  2. Praying for you.
    Wait. Hope. Trust. Believe. And KNOW that God will move on behalf of His people in that place. A greater victory it will be because of the great obstacles and struggle; because of the long wait.
    Hang in there.

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  3. I really needed to hear that this morning. I too am finding myself very discouraged. However, I heard something last night that made much sense to me. I heard a pastor say, " We won't know God as a healer until we need healing; We won't know God has a provider until we need provision......" and I have been clinging to that, as I think about our church. I don't know what to do, so I will pray. I am praying for you too, Lisa. I know how discouraged you feel.

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  4. My heart aches for you Lisa. I know the struggle. As a Pastor's wife, I also know how difficult these transitions can be. And as you have stated, "God is faithful and will do what He has promised".
    I will pray for you and your church.
    Blessings my friend,
    Chris

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  5. Chapter 4 in Holiness by Ryle is all about spiritual warfare. We must battle every day whether we acknowledge it or not. He would say, "Fight! Don't give up! Do battle in prayer! Read Hebrews 11 and press on surrounded by that great cloud of witnesses! This fight of faith is a good fight. You will not spend yourself in vain."

    All us blogger friends will pray for you, but don't forget that Jesus Himself lives to make intercession for you.

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  6. Dear Lisa,

    You can vent on us anytime!! We have all been there in one way or another.

    Cling to the Word and let Him sing over you today!!

    Blessings,
    Dori

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  7. P.S. Thanks for coming by. I was in the middle of an HTML code update on my site so I hope it didn't look wacky!!

    Come back anytime!

    Blessings,
    Dori

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  8. I have been where you are - twice in the last two years. Our latest pastor has just come on board within the last three weeks but the aftershocks of what happened during the transition are still reverberating. I've wanted to quit - still considering everything, frankly - many times. But I believe God has me here for a reason in this season and I have too much invested to let it all go now. I want to see His glory shine through this church, just as I am sure you do in yours as well. Praying for you!

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  9. I know how you feel. After our long-time pastor left, the enemy launched a full assault on our church. It was a horrible sifting season, and many families left. I wanted to God, but God wouldn't release us & I submitted to my husband's authority. We could see the spiritual battle going on. I'm so glad we stayed! God was faithful, and brought His man to our pulpit. It was worth every tear shed.

    Praying that you'll find that same peace, Lisa!

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  10. ex-baldy with bad hairSeptember 27, 2007 7:17 PM

    If God things weren't capable, Satan would leave the church alone. I experience your same feelings in church, work, and life in general....oh...about 10 times a week. It stinks at times and quitting sure looks nice. Keep your eyes upon Him. That's all we have.

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  11. I am always amazed by the "buts" in scripture:

    But I trust in your unfailing love

    I need more "buts" sometimes. Thank you for your post!

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  12. Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

    (((HUGS)))

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  13. Can't help feeling that these pains are similar to the birthing ones. May you be blessed as you walk through fire. God may not be allowing you to walk around it, over or under it, but he will walk through it with you.

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  14. ex-baldy with bad hairJuly 01, 2011 1:37 PM

    If God things weren't capable, Satan would leave the church alone. I experience your same feelings in church, work, and life in general....oh...about 10 times a week. It stinks at times and quitting sure looks nice. Keep your eyes upon Him. That's all we have.

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  15. I know how you feel. After our long-time pastor left, the enemy launched a full assault on our church. It was a horrible sifting season, and many families left. I wanted to God, but God wouldn't release us & I submitted to my husband's authority. We could see the spiritual battle going on. I'm so glad we stayed! God was faithful, and brought His man to our pulpit. It was worth every tear shed.

    Praying that you'll find that same peace, Lisa!

    ReplyDelete