Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Alive and active

It has been an unusual fall, no doubt about it, and as a result, I feel as if I have been chasing after my life, always a couple of steps behind, rushing to keep up, almost like I keep dropping different pieces of my life, and as I stoop down to pick up one piece, another inevitably slips away. And so I am constantly stooping down, reaching out, straining for that stray piece of my life. Balancing...juggling...dropping.

Certainly you've noticed a more melancholy mood here in the words I write. I know I have, and I admit I grow weary of confessing my weaknesses and struggles. Perhaps you grow weary of reading them as well. While I do not write with my sitemeter stats in mind, I've noticed a pronounced decrease and I wonder if it is not reflective of my current introspection.

Here's how most of my posts begin lately: me having no idea what form it will take when I ultimately hit the publish button. Instead, I sit down, and I write out of the overflow of my heart, whatever my current emotion may be. Today it's a sense of loneliness and fatigue and defeat. (But I will spare you any elaboration--and you can thank me in the comments!)

I find it interesting--and certainly no coincidence--that this season of weakness and inadequacy and insecurity comes to me in the midst of studying the truths of 2 Corinthians: this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God...thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession...our competence comes from God...we have this treasure in jars of clay...godly sorrow brings repentance...God is able to make all grace abound to you...I delight in weaknesses...My grace is sufficient...when I am weak then I am strong...

I have also set a goal for Scripture memory, Romans 8 to be exact (don't be impressed; I've only made it through verse 4). Even as I rehearse verse 1, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," condemnation itself weighs heavy on me.

God's Word is true. Not just true in some academic sense, like it's true that Saturn has rings or that George Washington wore false teeth, but God's Word is also true in a real and personal sense. It is alive and it is active and it speaks to my present situation like a sharp double-edged sword, penetrating, dividing, piercing.

This is where I am and this is what God's Word says. Will I believe and obey? Will I hear and heed? Will I boast, even delight, in my weakness, knowing God will show Himself strong? Will I trust the sufficiency of His grace? Will I rejoice that I am no longer under condemnation...no matter how I may feel? This is the Truth; how will I respond?

Jesus prayed, "Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth." Yes, Lord, may it be so in me.

11 comments:

  1. Romans 8 is a great chapter to memorize and ponder. I too feel like I am daily learning more about relying on God rather than myself.

    Keep on keeping on.

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  2. Lisa,

    I, for one, appreciate your honesty. Life is tough and we go through ups & downs. Living out our faith isn't easy. Pretending otherwise may make for great blog fodder, but ultimately doesn't edify Christ or your fellow believers.

    Personally, I appreciate knowing I have a fellow sojourner. Keep on sharing. It's a wonderful way to vent and perhaps realize what God has in store for you, and your blessed readers can learn from your sharing. To me, that's what blogging is all about.

    Blessings, sweet friend.

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  3. Lisa,

    I enjoy your truthfullness and openness. We can't always be happy and uplifting. Life is hard at times, we have to be real.

    Hang in their my friend.
    Julie

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  4. I feel like I have found a real sister in you who have the same 'precious faith'. (2 Peter 1:1) I for one, check your blog daily! Often more than once. :-)

    Thanks for sharing your heart. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Several times.

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  5. I love your openness and honesty, Lisa. My heart's desire is to be that vulnerable. We can all learn from what another is going through, and it gives us opportunity to uplift each other. Praying for you!

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  6. I appreciate the things you share. And today is no exception. I am in a very melancholy time, too. Thank you for these words today.

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  7. Thanks for putting into words what I've been feeling for the last month or so. Memorizing scripture is a good way to keep one's spirit's buoyed when feeling down. God bless you has you hide his word in your heart. Romans 8!! What a wonderful chapter to fight melancholy!!!

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  8. Lisa, I'm so thankful for this post. You really reflected some of how I've been feeling lately. Your questions at the end about "how will I respond?" really hit home for me. Thanks for taking the time to post even though it may not feel coherent to you at the time you hit publish...the Lord used it in my heart today. God bless you!

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  9. This is why I love your writing so much Lisa! You speak from the heart to the heart. You are able to write what I feel, but find it difficult to put into my own words.
    You are not alone! I am with you and would love to do our closets together! :)

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  10. Melancholy that comes from sober-minded reflection upon the truths of God, conviction to be transformed inwardly and outwardly has a painful twinge. But of more import to the child who belongs to her Father is that discipline that is not pleasant at the time yields a harvest of sweet righteousness. Trusting with you that your rest is found in God alone.

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  11. Lisa-I tend to write using the same technique and as such I purge many of the emotions that would otherwise be bottled up inside me.

    We had a really interesting sermon at church today. The pastor pointed out that when we are feeling overwhelmed and bogged down and finally realize that we just can't do it ourselves we need to fall to our knees and persitantly pray. He referenced the parable of the persistant widow to give us confidence that the Lord will answer us if we continue to call.

    Blessings-
    Jenny

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