Saturday, February 23, 2008

The me I once was

Cue the home video footage from six years ago...

The boys are playing in the front yard. My husband, videographer extraordinaire, is filming from the vantage point of our front porch. As he scans across the yard, the view is momentarily blocked by the hanging fern...

(Wait! I had ferns?!? Hanging on my porch? And they were alive?)

Now, a close up of our second son as he retrieves the basketball from among the flowers in the flower bed directly in front of the porch...

(Flowers?! We had flowers in the flower bed? Flowers that I had planted?!?)

Next scene: second son's birthday party in the back yard. Friends, cake, and general party fun ensue...

(Wait! I actually played host to birthday parties? Voluntarily? Like, no one made me? And I looked like it was fun?)

Cut video.

This is the me I once was. A "good" mom, domestic even. I planted flowers, hung ferns, and threw a birthday party. I probably even vacuumed.

These are things I no longer do. Okay, so I do vacuum, at least once in awhile. But plant flowers? Nope, not any more.

Maybe I just got old(er). Maybe I just got tired. Maybe I just got over it.

At any rate, I feel some measure of guilt. I'm not so sure the me that replaced the formerly domestic "good" mom is so much of an improvement.

Maybe I'm going downhill. Fast.

Or maybe I've decided to no longer hide behind the domestic "good" mom, trying so hard and pretending to be something I'm not. Maybe instead of watering ferns I blog. Or teach Bible study. Or whatever it is God has called me to for this day.

He's called some of you to gorgeous flower beds and spectacular birthday parties and I think that's great.

He's called me, well, to something different. Not less than, just different from.

And, really, that's great too because that's just as God intended things to be. Different, but one. Different parts, but one body which is Christ.

If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased...you are the body of Christ...
1 Cor. 12:17-18, 27

12 comments:

  1. I think there are many seasons in each life. There is a time to plant and a time to reap. There is a time for caring about certain types of things and a time to not care about them any longer and focus on something else. I figure I might come back around to some things that are now no longer a part of my life. Then again, Maybe I won't. We walk by faith and not by sight, being as obedient as we can as we listen to that still small voice telling us to walk this way. But I could so realte to this post. I often reflect on wher I was, where I am now, how I got here and where God might lead me later on. We are gonig from glory to glory, right? Well...some are not so glorious! LOL!

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  2. I think my flesh might have been intimidated by the you that once was!

    Of course, now my spirit is intimidated (and convicted and challenged!) by the you that is!

    I used to kill myself baking 10 or 12 different kinds of cookies and candies (many dozens of each) every Christmas to give to friends and family in pursuit of the Southern Living Christmas. I've scaled waaaay back. Just a couple of traditional must-haves. I'm much less stressed.

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  3. "Not less than, just different from."

    Love it! Thank you Lisa for being so transparent.

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  4. Oh Lisa, I think this happens to us all. I haven't been a Mom for as long as you have and I have already stopped planting flowers and hanging ferns! Some things are just more important sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

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  5. One of my goals is to be real with people. Authentic. At Christmas, I was given a key to a neighbor's house to bring in the mail while she was on vacation. She was embarrassed and apologetic about the state of her house. Until I took her on a "backstage" tour of mine. Very liberating!

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  6. Hey, good to see that you are back from your break! To echo what some of the other commenters have written, I think that we all go through a period(s) when we incessantly question our past. How wonderful that Christ is our present and future :)

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  7. So true God did intend on us to do many great things. We each just have a different calling so we do not need to feel any less for what that calling is. Each calling is so important and takes a very special person to do each of them. Thats why I am so thankful to help you out for you to be able to follow through with your calling. The most amazing thing is that God finds a way to group us together to be there and help one another be with people who are not as good in your area or you in there area. He is so amazing!!!

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  8. Thanks for this, Lisa. I tend to drift back to guilt when I am not watching. I am doing what God has called me to do, which definitely keeps me from being the Martha Stewart that I would like to be. I just left my home this past weekend to lead a women's retreat and had to take those guilty thoughts captive once again. I just have to remember that my family needs a momma that is right in the center of God's will.

    Kelli

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  9. To me this is a sign of wisdom and maturity. Sometimes I get frustrated with aging, but mostly I feel more comfortable in who God has made me to be--it is refreshing to just be who I am. This post is a great reminder to me of how each of us has something special to bring to the Body of Christ.

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  10. Sure have missed you! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes we are chasing something that doesn't even exists. It stands wisdom and maturity to say, I'm going to focus on what God's called me to do rather than what the world thinks I should do!
    Thanks!!!

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  11. It "takes" maturity and wisdom, not stands!!! Don't know how I mixed that up!!

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  12. Oh, how I can identify with this! I used to be a SAHM, but have been in the full time workforce for over 5 years. I am now about to have another baby and become a SAHM again. But while I struggle, I know that God has a special calling for me...for each of us...and that what He calls me to may be different than what He calls you to.

    It reminds me of an old, old, old Amy Grant song--All I Ever Have To Be.

    BTW, tripped over here from Lysa TerKeurst's blog...will be back again! God bless!

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