Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Far more than chocolate

Hello? Anyone out there? Apparently I fell off the blog wagon, for a few days at least. Not that I've climbed back on, as I'm not sure what I have to offer by way of blogging today really constitutes being back.

It's been an interesting, crazy, emotional, and stressful week. You know the adage "If Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy"? It's rung true at our house. Just ask my husband and he will offer a hearty "AMEN!"

This morning my friend surprised me with some chocolate, Cadbury Creme Eggs. Everyone needs some chocolate, she said. I need way more than chocolate to deal with this week, I told her.

Far more than chocolate will be necessary if I am to get a grip and get over myself. Here is a portion of a post I began on Monday:

In a break with my typical blog mode of late, I will not be numbering my transgressions, though such a list would include not going on my youngest son's field trip and placing my new pair of "line dry only or dry clean" pants in the dryer (they only cost me $7, but still).

Also included among my failures would be the usual mother load of guilt, not to mention the hurt and anger I felt when I showed up for my third son's presentation only to discover he told his teacher I wasn't coming and went ahead with his presentation without me, me his mother who endured labor and all manner of pain and heartache (to this very day, I might add) on his behalf.

I think I digress.

So today, in my guilt and hurt and anger and conviction, and especially in my yearning to get over my guilt and hurt and anger and conviction, I realized this: I need a Savior.

I can't be better or do better or get better on my own. I may try, I may rationalize, I may ignore, and I have, all three of those, and I've found myself right back in my guilt and hurt and anger and conviction. Life will not be easier if I could just get over it or get a grip. Because, well, I can't.

I need a Savior.

Seeing my need is painful. It hurts. Understanding my sin for what it is--sin, and not mistakes or shortcomings or someone else's fault--that's no fun. My heart breaks as I realize I'm rebellious. I'm depraved. Nothing good dwells in me, in my flesh. I am inadequate and insufficient and completely without hope if left to my own devices.

I need a Savior.

My sin condemns me, deservedly so. My need is great. My God is greater. He, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved me, even when I was dead in my trespasses, made me alive together with Christ--by grace I have been saved!

I see my depravity, this week in particular, yet my despair and my desperation have led to my delight as I come to the cross, humble, broken, and behold my Deliverer there.

This Holy Week, may you see your sin and may your despair be a gift, one that allows you to see the cross and to rejoice in God's costly grace.

11 comments:

  1. I'm certainly seeing my sin this week, friend. Just this morning, I was in despair over my current perpetual state of discouragement. Maybe I need to think about how discouraged Jesus must have been as He walked through His final week.

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  2. Oh dear sister! Did you listen to that sermon that I shared?? I cried through the end....for all the reasons you just wrote about! AMEN! We need a Savior! May He draw near to you, sister, and give you hope in His blood!

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  3. Amen sister! I need a Savior too, and I'm thankful He met my need!!


    And BTW, I wanted to try the Cadbury Chocolate Eggs of which you so highly speak, and grabbed some the other day, but turns out these are the ones that have an M&M-like coating. Don't think those are it. But I can tell the chocolate is still good inside!

    Gee, I'll have to try again. . . .

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  4. Oh Lisa, our hearts are on the same page this week. I just wrote about my own failures and shortcomings. I too need a savior and relish in the fact that He loves broken ole me.

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  5. As my children get older I seem to see my own sin more and more clearly.

    Thanks for this thoughtful, thought provoking post. I also need a savior. I try to remember, "when I am weak. He is strong." We don't have to do it all in our own strength!

    Bless you and happy choc eating! Nothing beats that!:) and a good friend who recognizes when you need some...you are blessed!

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  6. Chocolate-one of the best collaborations of God and man yet! It is funny that our very gorwth demand that we see ever more and more our sinful nature. It is when we are growing that we become even mroe painfully aware of our sinfulness. If we were not growing we would not be bothered. I so understand the sentiments of this post! Oh what a Savior, oh what a friend! Amen!

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  7. I am sending hugs to you today...I can feel your struggle, the anger and even the pain.
    I need a Savior too!

    Sometimes I spend too much wishing I was different, better, or even someone else. Someone more fun and witty. Someone with enormous energy who moves flawlessly from one activity to another. But I don't! Never have! I need a Savior!

    Thanks Lisa for reminding me...

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  8. I tried to comment on this, but it's growing. I'm drafting a post. Probably a devotional for Pragmatic Communion.

    See what you did? :)

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  9. Every woman I know needs a great piece of chocolate every once in awhile.

    This week has been a BIG week of reflection and it is probably a good thing...don't run from it, learn from it, and grow through it.

    I am right there with you!
    Melissa

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