Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sentimental

I will not tell you how long I've sat here staring at the blank "create post" box.

Nor will I tell you how many times I've typed a few words, only to delete them all.

Writer's block, blogger's block, whatever kind of block you want to call it--I got it. I got it bad. I can't even find the words to make the (boring) events of my (boring) day halfway interesting nor even coherent.

I will tell you this: my number two boy is away at soccer camp and I miss him. He just called a little while ago and he was in tears. He wasn't homesick, or maybe he was a little; mainly he was (is) exhausted. This camp is intense. I am glad he has the opportunity to go, I hope he learns and improves, but I am ready for Thursday so I can go get him and bring him home. I miss him--did I tell you that already?

I am not sentimental. Really, I'm not. I rarely cry and I see scrapbooking as a form of cruel and unusual punishment. That is, should I ever actually scrapbook. Which I don't. And won't.

But I was thinking about how much I miss my boy, and then I was thinking about my oldest son graduating from high school in four short years and leaving home after that and then I was thinking about not seeing him for weeks (probably months, my husband tells me)...and I am sad. Maybe even a little sentimental.

This parenting deal, it passes quickly. More mature moms have told me so, but I never half believed them. It's true. They are right. Though my oldest son is pushing six feet, I still see him as my little boy, dressed as a firefighter or maybe David of Goliath fame, stuttering as he asks me a thousand and one questions in his deep, husky toddler voice.

Of course, one sigh and quick roll of the eye (his) and the baby faced toddler image vanishes, replaced by the teenager with an attitude. Where did the time go?

So it appears I found some words after all. And maybe I really am sentimental after all. But only a little. Certainly not to the scrapbooking level...


7 comments:

  1. I hear you. Sentimental is keeping Hot Wheels cars.

    Scrapbooks, however, are evil. :-)

    And after cleaning out my folks' house of all the junk they kept that really didn't mean anything years down the road (and certainly not past the generation to which it happened) I think some people are going to be surprised in a few years at how little scrapbooks will actually mean.

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  2. And sentimental is getting a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart when my 10-year old decides he doesn't want all the dog bedding and decor in his room anymore. Even after I tried to convince him that they are "big-boy-looking" dogs. :-(

    Writer's block? Must be what I have... d/t to the fear that someone might actually read what I write.

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  3. My oldest graduates next weekend...his open house is this weekend...I will be posting a very poignant post of his journey to manhood this Friday. I wish I could tell you it gets easier. I am keeping it together for the time being, but when he leaves out the driveway with his dad to drive to California in August, and I know he will spend his 19th birthday out there alone and not be home till Christmas...well you will likely be scraping me off the driveway once he is out of sight.

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  4. I'm too steeped in pre-teen attitude to be sentimental these days!

    As for scrapbooking, I gave it a whirl for a while. Then I quit. I've got umpteen rolls of undeveloped film, and just don't have the motivation to deal with it all. And ditto to what Linda said!

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  5. The days are long, but the years are short, eh?

    Oh. Wait. Maybe that's just how it feels when I'm scrapbooking.

    :-)

    It would hard not to feel tender when you see your boys turn into young men before your very eyes. What a poignant reminder that every day is a gift.

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  6. Scrapbooking - just one more thing to add to my already overdeveloped guilt complex. I gave it up gladly. I used to wake up in the night stressing about how behind I was. How crazy is that??

    Sentimental - Yes, even without the scrapbooking, I am that, too.

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  7. And sentimental is getting a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart when my 10-year old decides he doesn't want all the dog bedding and decor in his room anymore. Even after I tried to convince him that they are "big-boy-looking" dogs. :-(

    Writer's block? Must be what I have... d/t to the fear that someone might actually read what I write.

    ReplyDelete