Monday, July 21, 2008

A new normal

So I've started like three different posts today. None have gotten past the first sentence, except for this one. And I'm not sure how far I will get this time...

The short of it is this: my sitemeter tells me I have several local visitors to my site (don't worry--you're anonymous! I only know where you're coming from!). Perhaps I am being presumptuous, but I would guess some of you are stopping by today curious about the most recent turn of events. There are many things I could say and want to say, but I struggle with what I ought to say, especially here in a forum such as this.

It's been a difficult couple of weeks. I do not exaggerate when I tell you that I have cried more in the last two weeks than I have in the last two years put together. Of all the emotions accompanying a situation such as ours, grief has by far been the most prevalent. It feels like the death of something. I guess in many ways it is. You can know this: whatever you may think of the choices we have made you can be certain they were not easy. Not in the least.

We are in a place we never expected a month ago or even two weeks ago. All things being equal, what we really wanted was a different outcome a couple of weeks ago. When that didn't happen, we found ourselves in a haze of grief and disappointment, unsure of the next step in our journey. We prayed. We sought the Lord's will. We talked. We prayed some more. We confessed. We begged. And, finally, the Lord revealed the next step in His plan for us.

Some will judge us. Some will misunderstand our motivations. Some will accuse us. Some are hurt and some are disappointed. Perhaps that's why I find writing this post so difficult and I wonder if I really will publish it or not.

Whatever you may think of us, please know we choose this path because we love the Lord Jesus, and we want to see His glory in His church (all of them). You can know that my husband and I have not chosen this out of bitterness, anger or prideful self righteousness and we are careful to ask the Lord to search our hearts in those areas.

It is scary. It is still very sad. It is also exciting as we do not know what the Lord will have for us. He is doing a new thing among us and we believe we follow Him. We are pleading with Him to show Himself faithful. To us all. And He will. For His glory and His alone.