Wednesday, July 20, 2011

An unfinished post

I spent some time the other day poking around behind the scenes here at the blog, discovering in the process that I have a rather large number of un-posted posts languishing in the draft queue. Some were obviously victims of a some sort of compelling distraction, only a few words long and then in incomplete sentences. Some of the drafts were just that: unedited, unfinished posts needing only a fitting conclusion or a little fleshing out here and there. Some I remember writing; most I do not. Some I can figure out what my point was; some I have no idea what it was I wanted to say.

For the curious, like myself, here's one of those draft posts, this one hearkening back to over three years ago, when we were all writing six word summations of our lives and tagging others to do the same. It is just as I wrote it then, with a few minor edits here and there (what can I say, I just can't help myself; the compulsive self-editor will never die). It ends, as you will see, rather abruptly. What was I going to say next? Who can know?


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Another fitting six word memoir depicting my life as it is and not necessarily as it should be:

She rarely finishes what she starts.

I've considered giving you a laundry list of the things begun yet unfinished still. There is, however, a limit to my self revelation and, honestly, I fear risking your judgment. Suffice it to say, the list is long and varied.

In Sunday school yesterday we studied Ephesians 5:15-17, "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Our teacher quoted John MacArthur as saying the most spiritually foolish thing a believer can do outside of willful disobedience to God's Word is to squander time and opportunity by frittering away his life in trivia and half hearted service to the Lord.

I've heard it said that we are to live like we're dying. We do not know how long God has allotted for our life here on earth and the argument goes that we ought live this day as if it were our last. Should I do so, I would no doubt have a sense of urgency and would certainly seize every opportunity to proclaim the glories of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I would not, however, worry about the dirty dishes in the sink. Were this to really be my last day on earth I would leave them there in the sink, not to mention the dirty laundry in the hamper and the dog hair on the floor; indeed I would leave it all behind with scarcely a thought as I prepared to leave this world for the next, yes I would.

But, isn't washing the dirty dishes in the sink also part of my calling? Certainly there is something of a flaw in the live-today-like-you're-dying approach.

Yeah, I'm thinking and too much. As I've already shared with you, I feel a sense of conviction--or is it guilt?--over squandering my time. As I told a friend in an email this morning, I feel as if I am chasing after my life, haphazardly and hurriedly, always behind and never accomplishing.

She rarely finishes anything she starts.

Or for another six word summation:

She lets life happen, accomplishing nothing.

Take Monday for instance. I spent nearly all day, besides fretting over my contrary child's karate attendance, on Bible study. A good thing. But I had to spend all day in preparation because I hadn't done much preparation in the week prior. A bad thing. So because I spent the day with my nose in the Word and various commentaries, I did not do the dishes or clean house or fill in the blank with some necessary domestic duty. Another bad thing. So now my already crazy week (hello? it's May) is even crazier as I try to catch up. Another bad thing. So I put off Bible study this week as well...

Squandering my time on trivia and half hearted service, this I fear.

I feel as if I accomplish no more than getting my kids to school fed, bathed and on time. Is that enough? Have I redeemed the time?

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2 comments:

  1. Breathoflife Melissa3July 20, 2011 11:24 AM

    I'm right there with you on BOTH of those summations.

    Love the John MacArthur reference. It's one I need to remember.

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  2. I'm there with you too. It's something I struggle with a lot. I used to just do what I could to get by out of obligation. When I was a single-mom I felt like the most successful person ever if I fed my kids a meal I cooked, did some laundry, and picked up the living room. Now that I'm a full-time Mom (meaning my kids/family get all of my energy whereas it used to be my job) I struggle with properly managing my time.

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