Oh, yes, yesterday I was full of the zeal of blogging. My mind reeled with ideas for future posts. I even did a little research on blog designers and the various options available--for a price--and brainstormed on the sort of blog I would like to have in terms of purpose and focus and theme and audience and all the sorts of parameters a successful blog successfully defines.
Fast forward to this morning. This morning it wasn't the zeal of blogging that inspired my thoughts but the discouragement therein. I felt overexposed and scarily vulnerable. I confess too much, I determined, and even I think myself weird. It's time consuming and a time waster. In fact, the longer I thought on it, I began to be convinced that I've wasted my life or at least most of my days not only with blogging but with all my other silly pursuits and unimportant interests.
Yeah, it was a full fledged pity party. Full.Fledged.Pity.
And isn't it interesting that such a crash and burn follows my post yesterday on envy and discontent and the critical and timely instruction of The Envy of Eve? It is generally the case for me: no sooner than I teach or write on an important and essential spiritual truth I then find myself in desperate need of that very truth. It's like the Murphy's Law of teaching and blogging or something. But it's a good thing too because I must then cling to the kindness of the Lord that draws me to repentance and there I learn that the truths of Scripture are not merely intellectual. They are for real life and real need and real failure and real sin.
So my friend texts me this morning, me in the middle of a full blown funk and she blissfully ignorant. She remarks on the fact gleaned from my second post of the day yesterday that I've finally begun reading Kisses from Katie which she has already completed and recommends with great enthusiasm. Then she says something really kind about my blog, something she really means because she hasn't a disingenuous bone in her body, something about my blog being encouraging and convicting. And then she thanks me for keeping this ministry going.
I told her that it was funny she should text me that because, well, see, I'm about convinced I should turn in my blogging card forever, that it seems like a dumb and fruitless hobby. And then she, my friend, tells me of the Lord using this simple site and these humble reflections, what I fear is this dumb and fruitless hobby of mine, to encourage a friend of hers. God is using it! she asserted.
I am humbled. I cannot believe the Lord's providential timing nor can I fathom how or why He would use a medium like this to bring (what I hope is) faithful, humble testimony to the gospel of grace of which I am so great a debtor.
And so, as you can see, the blog lives to see another day. And not necessarily because of my friend or because of her friend or because of you the reader, whoever you may be and however you may have arrived here--though bloggers do blog because readers read, it's the nature of the beast.
Rather, my roller coaster of blogging related emotion and my friend's encouragement remind me of the important truth that everything I do is to be done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that it is He whom I serve. Thus even a blog post may be ministry, an act of serving the Lord as I seek to honor Him with my words.
Blogging or not blogging is not the issue; being found a faithful servant in all things is.
I am thankful for my friend's encouragement but it is not what motivates me. I want to follow Christ. I want to honor Him in all that I do. I want to proclaim His goodness and His grace and His mercy. I want others to know of the gospel promise that Jesus is faithful to save sinners like me.
I want this blog to reflect that desire.
Yes and amen.